ups and downs

Hi All,

Things have taken a bit of an unexpected turn since I started trying to stop the b/p cycle and eat a little bit again. I got ill- not my fault, some kind of stomach bug and that has had an effect on my weight- great for anorexia, bad for me. Anorexia is very happy about it, but i'm a little worried, for one I know that If I 'rehydrate' myself after the period of illness then i'm going to put back the weight that I lost during illness and also a little from rehydration. This is bad for me because anorexic me is going to be screaming, furious and irritated by what will happen. I wouldn't have even known my weight apart from my dietician telling me she was concerned after she weighed me at our appointment.
Crap, because as soon as I knew this number it became my best friend, I was elated! But being told it may not be real because of sickness put a downer on things, because a number is a number when you see it in your mind, you can't take it back. It just makes me even more determined to go through whatever rehydration I have to on 800-1000 calories and lose weight back to how I was. 35kg by Christmas is my goal.
My dietician isn't happy, she's already told me that the tight rope has got even thinner now, bmi 13, makes her anxious. I of course avoided telling her that I wanted to lose even more once I had gone through rehydration- bad for Victoria again good for Anorexia.

She told me not to weigh myself over the next week while I go through what I need to, i'm going to try to listen to that advice. I'm also going to work on my essay planning over the weekend in the hope of writing it over the next coming week, being ill has made me behind a little bit. Oh well. I guess I have more important fish to fry, or rather grill (pardon the pun).

Today has gone okay, felt guilty about the chips but I included them in my count so that should be okay.

-2 egg whites for breakfast with some ketchup (80)
- packet of gummy sweets ( 220)
- small portion of oven baked chips (230)

I'm going to have something light in the evening, I haven't made 800 maybe i'll have a snacky thing later.

I've also been planning the hampers I am going to make for family and friends over Christmas. I thought this would be a nice idea because hopefully you can't go wrong with some home made goods for Christmas. I'm going to make home made truffles, and Christmas puddings and cake, Christmas cookies, brownies and sweetie trees and put them all in presentation bags and wrap in a cellophane hamper.

Looking forward to making this a special Christmas for my family this year.

Have you ever made a home made hamper?? What did you put in it?

Hoping to hear from you.

xxxx