Hi All,
Things have gone well today, stuck to my diet so far hoping rehydration will hurry up and do its thing so I can get back to losing real weight. Anyways, i'm sitting at my computer trying to write an essay and it's just not coming to me at the moment. I'm writing it on 'The Mill on The Floss', looking at the issue of resistance. I'm in the process of planning it, but everything in my mind is a muddle. When the issues are so complicated and trying to relate them to what you want to say in an essay and how they influence things..difficult. I'm sure my dyspraxia isn't helping.
Anyways so I thought I would write a blog post to give me some time away from worrying/procrastinating about this essay. So I thought I would write a blog post on Christmas.
I wasn't at home last Christmas as lots of people know because I was in hospital in the eating disorders ward. Which is why I want things to be really good this year for Christmas, I won't be able to forget last years Christmas and how awful it was for me and my family but I can try to replace the memory for this year.
I love Christmas, i love the excitement and the happiness it brings to Children and families. All the stuff is out in the shops, and things are starting to look Christmassy and one of the things I love to do is make a Christmas pudding and Christmas cake for my family and friends. I wasn't able to do that last year and I was really sad to have to forgo that tradition.
I love to cook, bake anything to do with food..apart from eating it of course, but I love all the tv shows and the ways in which famous chiefs try to put a new spin on things,
and I particularly love the shows at Christmas getting festive and giving great tips to make a perfect family meal.
I have always helped my mum with Christmas food and a few years ago she told me everyone loved my puddings so would I make them from now on. I was about 16 at the time and I have been doing it ever since. I put so much Alcohol in my pudding it is untrue, the recipe that I follow is kind of a mix of family and Nigella Lawson's. I don't use suet, I use butter and breadcrumbs, I don't put mix peel in my Christmas pudding but I do put Glace cherries. I put an entire bottle of brandy in mine and allow it to mature for 6 weeks. I'll be making my Christmas pudding and cake next week and I can't wait!
I'm also going to make a Trifle for Christmas day and also a Chocolate Yule log, I may even try Mince pies- I think the shop bought ones can be okay, particularly places such as Marks and Spencer's.
Goose will be accompanied with, rosemary and garlic roast potatoes, a prune and almanac stuffing, brussel sprouts with pancetta, chestnuts and a maple syrup glaze, honey roasted carrots, parsnips, braised red cabbage. We also always have a honey glazed ham, home made bread sauce and a home made gravy
This year my mum has told me she is doing Goose instead of Turkey. I've never had it but my parents have, and in all this excitement about Christmas my mum decided to interject 'but you won't be eating anything with us, will you?'. My heart sank, it's not just eating the food that makes me feel wretched but in front of people, that heightens anxiety to an entirely new level. I am even more conscious of eating in front of my family and I hate the idea of sitting down with them to eat. My family watch, and there's a false calmness masking the tension. All the while, I feel repulsive and worried what the food is going to do to me. Oh god, no thank you!
I'm hoping by going through rehydration, whatever it may be and then seeing that I can eat without gaining any weight at all and even lose weight, i'll be okay at Christmas to try to sit with my family, to eat just a little bit. I think my mum would really love that, so i'm going to try.
Do you have any family recipes that are a must at Christmas? Do you have any challenges that you must face this year? How will you spend your Christmas?
Hoping to hear from you.
xxx
